for Catherine and Padraic

My oldest daughter was married last weekend.  It was a wonderful weekend event at a family camp in Vermont.  They arranged everything themselves, reflecting their true selves throughout.   Friends and family all were so happy to come and celebrate with them. It was magic.  There were tears and laughter, shared experiences and much joy.  My husband and I gave short speeches, we are so proud.  I wrote my speech as a story.  Although I was hopeful I might get through it without any clearing of throat or cracking of voice, I have to admit there was some, to no one's surprise.  So for everyone who might not have heard it all, in honour of my beautiful daughter and finally-son-in-law, here it is!

When Padraic first showed up at our home, he was one of what were collectively called “the Loyola boys”.   A group of kids, debaters and others, that Catherine hung out with, and we suspected, but didn’t want to know, drank with.  We saw Padraic was interested in Catherine, though she denied it, declaring them “just friends”.  There was another boy at that time, but it seemed tentative to us.  Besides, my dog didn’t like him, rousing from a dead sleep, with a hooded look and a growl every time the poor boy moved.  So we were not surprised when that boy was history and Padraic and Cathy were an item. 

And so it began.  The two of them tramped all over the city, walking and talking, talking and talking.  And exploring another passion, food.  It seemed their disposable income was all about  food, and microbrewery beer.  They played Jeopardy together, keeping track we found out on pads of paper strewn around the basement.  We heard the shouted out answers, and the arguments.  We smiled because Catherine was truly challenged.  Padraic was rarely seen without a book in his possession and where Catherine soaked up ideas and concepts, making connections at lightening speed, Padraic did this, and was an encyclopedia of information.  They pushed each other, they argued, and we saw that they admired each other. 

Padraic was introduced into our family, particularly at Sunday dinners.  It was not easy for him.  All those women:  sisters, nieces, friends.  It was loud, sometimes contentious.  Alan pushing buttons, steering right into sometimes explosive topics with glee, completely ignoring any warning signals I might be broadcasting from across the table. Padraic, to his credit, did not bolt, though I think he often wanted to.  He  made his place in the family, and certainly one in my heart especially by his sincere and enthusiastic appreciation of everything I served as “the best dinner I’ve ever had!”

Time passed, Padraic remained.  Catherine and Padraic started to follow another passion:  travel.  Catherine had always had her sights fixed beyond Montreal.  Off they went to Europe without a backward look.  We were delighted for them, Alan with complete relaxation and faith in the world, and me, well in a war of competing emotions where I was excited for their adventures and measuring silences between emails as evidence of injury, white slavery, or even illegal organ traders….What can I say, it’s in the mother’s handbook.  Many more trips followed. Then Catherine went off to Edinburgh, came home, then went off to Oxford, and Padraic to Princeton.  We wondered what might happen when distance put pressures on the relationship; secretly we wondered how WE would fare if forced to give up Padraic. I am sure it was not easy, all the separations, trips, but we observed them growing in their commitment and certainty that their future was together and that they would support each other in following their dreams. 

How did Catherine get here so soon? I know it is a cliché that time flies.  The young people roll their eyes, and those of us who are older feel it in a way that defies description.  It really was just a short time ago that Catherine was born, a blink really.  As I remember events, I struggle to even believe it was almost 28 years ago.   

When I think of what has defined Catherine as she developed, I think of her love of language, formidable resolve, loyalty and compassion.

Catherine seemed to have been born talking, in full sentences I might add.  She discovered the power of words to shape her world early.  She named everything, asked what things were, and what words meant, even before age two.  The clarity of her speech, not always to be celebrated however, I still hear the crystal clear two year old voice raised above the noise of Alexis Nihon shopping centre yelling, “let go of my arm, you’re hurting me, you’re NOT my mummy!”  because she did not want to leave.

And when Catherine decided to do anything, you might as well get out of the way and let it unfold.  I remember when she wanted to go to Spain and learn Spanish one  summer.  I am still not quite sure to this day how I ended up at the airport waving to my teenage daughter as she went off to some strange family in Spain.  I know she did not always find it easy as we left her alone in Edinburgh, in Oxford, waved bye as she went to Australia. She never wavered once she had decided, but I saw her take a deep breath and then decide all over again to just get on with it. 

I was surprised that Catherine chose for her first real friend a girl she could not at first talk to.  Alex and Catherine at the beginning, pushed each other down, hit each other and grabbed, until Alex learned some English and Cathy some French.  We have watched Catherine’s singular loyalty and commitment in her friendships. We benefitted too from these friendships, with what Alan always called “auxiliary daughters” who dropped their belongings on the floor, raided the fridge, and demanded cinnamon buns, just like our own three.  What greater tribute to friendship than that level of comfort?

Catherine walks softly in her life.  That is not to imply she’s a push over, that resolve has teeth, and God knows she can talk her way around most things.  But I have seen Catherine with small, very communication impaired children.  You cannot be false or overly sympathetic, they can sense it immediately, and then you are toast, you are never getting cooperation. Catherine has compassion without pity, and acceptance without reserve.  The most challenged children adored her, and would do anything she asked, that is an honest tribute to true compassion.

So Catherine I see your communication skills, resolve, loyalty and compassion in all you do and in your partnership with Padraic.  And I see you have met your match. 

We wish you all good things, today and always.  Grow old together.